Disclaimers:  I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters.

Notes:  No real notes.  More Duo suffering.  Just cruel, aren’t I?

Desires and Deceptions
Part 19

Duo kicked and screamed, yelling, "Let me go!"

Orderlies were touching him, trying to hold him down for the doctor that was approaching with a syringe in his hand.  No, he
wouldn't let them hurt him.  He had to defend himself.  He kicked again, successfully hitting the doctor's arm and knocking the
syringe from his hand.

Duo didn't know what these people wanted from him . . . his mind being foggy at best . . . but he did know that he wouldn't
submit to them.  He would fight against them until he died.

"No!  Let me go!"  He yelled, trying to get the orderlies to release him, despite the agonizing pain his actions caused to the
wounds on his body.

"That's the third time he's done that!"  The doctor shouted.  "Forget the sedative!  Just get him on the gurney!"

Once the orderlies got him off the ground, there wasn't much that Duo could do.  He continued to thrash about, trying to
remove the straight jacket as well as try to get away from those people.

They dropped him onto the gurney, two of them holding his legs down, while another two men began strapping him down.  
Once done with his legs, which now throbbed painfully, they moved to his upper body, the same men holding him down while
the others strapped him to the gurney.

"No!"  He screamed, his eyes widening in terror as he saw how helpless he was.

A woman in white . . . a nurse . . . leaned over him as the orderlies and doctor stepped back.  She smiled, brushing her hand
through his sweat soaked bangs, pushing the strands away from his face.  Duo recoiled away from her touch, not wanting
anyone to come near him, not wanting to be hurt again.

"Calm down, kid."  She said in a hushed tone.  "No one's going to hurt you."

"Let me go."  He pleaded.  "Please . . . just let me go."

"Sorry, kid . . . but I can't.  Don't worry . . . The docs up there in Psych. will take good care of you."  She replied, a small smile
on her face.

"No.  No!"  He repeated, raising his voice each time he said the word, until he was screaming again.  A psychiatric ward . . . no,
they'd never let him out of there.  They'd lock him up forever, unless they killed him first.

Why couldn't these people just let him go?  Why did they have to make him suffer?  Why wouldn't they let him die quietly?

Duo closed his eyes for a moment, not opening them until he felt the gurney being moved.  He snapped his eyes open, his body
trembling at the fear he felt.  He struggled in vain against the restraints, against the straight jacket binding him.  Duo grumbled
and screamed, trying to get away even as he watched blood begin to soak through the sleeves of his straight jacket.  All his
struggling had opened some of the cuts on his arms, cuts made by the broken window he had reached into to grab those radios
so that he could stop that song from haunting him.

However, Duo didn’t care what he did to himself.  He just wanted to get away.  He cursed Heero for betraying him, for breaking
his promise.  “Damn you!”  He yelled, knowing that this was all Heero’s fault somehow.  It was just that he couldn’t quite
remember everything, the drugs that the doctors were able to get into him were making his mind fuzzy, blurring his memories.


Heero was vaguely aware that he wasn’t alone in the bedroom, as he was slowly dragging himself up from unconsciousness.  
He groaned, struggling to open his eyes.  When he finally was able to open them, he winced, a harsh ray of sunlight washing
over his face.

“Mr. Yuy?”  A voice asked.

Heero forced his eyes to open again, turning to look at the source of the voice.  He saw a Maguanac sitting in a chair near the
bed.  Heero pushed himself to a sitting position.  His head swam in dizziness, but he ignored it, wanting to get out and look for
Duo as soon as possible.

“Please, Mr. Yuy . . . Lie back down.”  The Maguanac suggested, stepping forward and gripping Heero’s arms.

“No . . . I have to find Duo.”  Heero replied, tiredly.

“But you have to eat.  Mr. Barton gave instructions that you are not to leave until you eat breakfast.”

“Fine.”  Heero sighed, leaning back against the headboard.  The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could go out and
start searching.

The Maguanac quickly left.  He didn’t take long, and soon he returned, carrying a tray in his arms.  He set the tray down over
Heero’s legs and lifted the lid from off of the plate.  Then he sat in that chair near the bed and watched Heero, probably making
sure that he did eat.  

Heero looked down at the small amounts of food.  There were eggs, some bacon, a piece of toast, and some breakfast sausage.  
A glass of orange juice was set next to the plate.  Heero picked up the fork and slowly started eating, not really hungry but just
wanting to be able to leave as quickly as possible.

“There . . . I’m done.”  Heero said, pushing the tray off of his legs and over to the side.  He felt more awake, so maybe it was a
good thing that he had taken the time to eat that food.  

Slowly, he got out of bed, purposely not moving fast so that he would reduce the risk of getting dizzy.  He looked down at
himself and noticed that he still wore the clothes he had on yesterday, except for his shoes.  

“Mr. Yuy . . . Do you wish to have a change of clothes?  Perhaps a shower to refresh yourself?”  The Maguanac asked, rising
to his feet as Heero was looking around for his shoes.

“No, I just want to go out and find Duo.”  Heero replied, bending to retrieve his shoes.  He sat on the bed again, then pulled his
shoes on, quickly tying the laces.

He quickly left the room, not bothering to say goodbye to the Maguanac.  As he was reaching out for the handle of the front
door, he stopped, hearing a voice calling out his name.  He turned, only to see the same Maguanac from before, approaching
him.  The slightly older man held out a large paper bag.  “Here, if you are leaving, you should take a lunch.  You must keep up
your strength.”  He said.

Heero nodded, taking the bag.  But he didn’t thank the man . . . He just turned and left.  He vaguely wondered how the
Maguanac had gotten the food so quickly, but dismissed the thought as unimportant.  His only concern was Duo at the moment,
not haw fast a Maguanac could pack a lunch.


Heero stumbled through the doors of the hospital.  This was the third one he had been to today, and he had two more left after
this.  His hopes for finding Duo were dwindling with every passing hour.  Heero was tired, his body aching.  He didn't know
how much longer he could keep this up.  Certainly, his body would just give up on him eventually.

He stepped over to the first nurse’s station he came to.  “Can I help you?”  A young woman asked, politely.

“Yes, I was told that there was a young man here fitting the description of a friend of mine who has been missing for several
days.”  Heero said, then gave a description of Duo, almost struggling to keep his eyes open.  He was just so tired.

“I’m sorry, that young man was transferred early this morning to the Psychiatric Ward.  I’m afraid that it would be against
hospital policy to allow you up to see him.”

“I don’t care about hospital policy.”  Heero seethed.  “I need to know if that is my friend.”  Heero slammed his palm on the
desk, and turned on his heel to walk away.  He ignored the nurse’s arguments that he couldn’t go up there . . . He had to go, had
to know if it was Duo or not.

One quick elevator ride, and Heero was walking through the hallway of the Psych Ward.  Suddenly, hands gripped his arms,
holding him still.  He looked over his shoulder, only to see two rather large, hospital orderlies standing behind him, each one with
a tight grip on his arms.

“Let me go.”  Heero demanded, glaring at them.

“I don’t think so, buddy.  You aren’t supposed to be up here.”  One of the orderlies said, as the two of them began dragging
Heero back toward the elevator.  “You’ll just have to wait until that guy’s observation period is over to see if he's your friend or

“I can’t wait that long!”  Heero replied, trying to wrench his arms free of those men.

A shrill scream filled the silent hallways, and Heero snapped his head up to find the source of the terrified cry.  The voice
sounded so familiar . . . could it be possible?  When a second scream echoed through the hallways, Heero was able to identify
which room it had come from.  It was so close, but with those men holding him, it seemed miles away.

Heero had to get to that room, had to see for himself whether it was Duo or not.  A flash of inspiration hit him, and Heero
stomped down as hard as he could on one of the orderlies’ feet.  As soon as the man released his grip on Heero’s arm, muttering
curses, Heero turned, and shoved the man into the other orderly, effectively knocking the other orderly’s hands off of his arm.  
He turned and sprinted as fast as he could over to the door where the scream had emanated.

It was open, several doctors, nurses, and orderlies crowding around someone.  Heero couldn’t see who they were trying to get
under control, couldn’t quite make out the face through the mass of people that surrounded him or her.  

One of the doctors suddenly jumped back, holding his hand.  “Dammit!”  He yelled.  “He bit me!”

Now that the doctor was out of the way, Heero could clearly see the individual who had bitten the man.  “Duo?”  Heero gasped,
shocked to see the condition of his beautiful lover.

Long, chestnut hair fell around his face like a curtain, the strands oily and sticking together in clumps.  He fought and snapped at
doctors and orderlies, his upper body covered by a straight jacket.  A thin pair of cloth pants covered his legs.  Heero could see
blood soaking his garments, dark red stains on the sleeves of the jacket and spotting his pants.  Harsh, ugly bruises marred the
perfection of his face.  His feet were bruised too, probably agony to stand on, as Duo was doing.

“Duo?”  Heero repeated, stepping into the room.

“Get him out of here!”  One of the doctor’s yelled, gesturing toward Heero.

Heero saw a syringe being held by one of the doctors, the others having finally gotten a hold on Duo, forcing him to lie still.  
Heero leapt forward, grabbing the doctor by the arm and yanking him away from Duo.  “No!  Don’t get near him with that!”  
Heero yelled, knowing that Duo was terrified of needles.

He began pushing the other people away, then knelt in front of Duo, ignoring the yells from the men and women around him.  
Duo cringed away from him, huddling himself as far back into the corner as he could get.  Heero brushed aside the curtain of
hair, wanting to look into Duo’s eyes.  He winced at the terror he saw in his lover’s eyes.  “Duo?”  He whispered.

A tiny flicker of recognition lit up in Duo’s eyes for a brief instant.  “Heero?”  He asked, timidly, his brow furrowing as if he
wasn’t sure he was seeing Heero at all.  

Heero turned to the doctors and the other hospital staff that crowded the room, noticing their gaping mouths and shocked
expressions.  Apparently in all the time that Duo had been here, he had never been calm once, or at least none of them had been
able to calm him.

“Get out of here!”  He yelled at them.  “You’ve done enough damage already.”  He watched as the men and women backed
away, a few of them remaining to stand in the open doorway.

He ignored them, deciding to turn his attention back to Duo once again.  He frowned at the way the American cowered in fear,
at the way his entire body trembled in terror.  Duo was looking away again, his eyes staring straight down at the floor in front of
him, never even glancing up to meet Heero’s gaze.

“Duo . . .”  Heero said, stopping briefly as the trembling of the American’s body worsened.  “Let’s get you out of this.”  He said
quietly, tugging gently on the fabric of the straight jacket.  

Slowly he turned Duo around, watching carefully for any sign of resistance, knowing that he couldn’t push the obviously
frightened young man into anything.  He had to help Duo, had to help him get back to himself, to find his way back from the
terror he was submerged in.  Heero wondered what had happened to his lover, who had hurt him so terribly.  But at the
moment, he just concentrated on Duo, trying to quell the fear he had seen in those beautiful eyes.

He carefully helped Duo out of the straight jacket, his eyes widening at the sight of the deep cuts on his forearms, at the massive
bruising to his abdomen and chest.  “Oh God . . .”  He gasped, his mind reeling at the sight of those horrible wounds and the
dried blood that caked his arms.  What the hell had happened to him, Heero wondered.

Duo pushed himself up, and stumbled out of the corner, hobbling away from Heero and over to another corner, one even farther
away from the door.  He sat there, burying his face in his knees as he wrapped his arms around himself, seemingly oblivious to
the blood that began to drip from his arms once again.  “Leave me alone.”  He whimpered, his voice raspy and weak.  “Don't
hurt me . . . Just go away . . . Please go away.”

Heero’s heart sank, tears brimming in his eyes.  Duo was hurting so badly.  Heero knew he had to help him.  He pulled out his
cell phone, quickly dialing Sally’s number.  She answered quickly, only after one ring.

“Hello?”  She asked.

“Sally, it’s Heero.  I found Duo.”  Heero stated, watching Duo from across the room.  He wouldn’t dare get too close, knowing
that Duo was terrified of everyone and everything at the moment.  His own presence was probably just causing the American

“What?  Where?”  Sally asked, excitedly from the other end.

“Khushrenada Memorial Hospital.”  Heero replied, then sighed.  “The Psychiatric Ward.”  

“God . . .”  She muttered.  “I’m on my way.  I’ll be there as soon as I can.”  

Heero folded the cell phone, then stuffed it into his pocket.  He sat on the ground, just watching Duo, frowning at every shiver
that moved throughout the American’s body.  He could only hope that Duo would recover, thoughts of being forgiven for his
own idiocy now long forgotten.  All he wanted was for Duo to get well again.

To Be Continued . . .