Disclaimers: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters.
Notes: Heero wakes up from his nightmare. He and Duo have a little talk.
Desires and Deceptions
Duo knelt there on the floor, watching Heero’s sleeping form carefully. He hadn’t moved from his spot for several minutes, his
hand still clasped with Heero’s. Duo wouldn’t leave him, not now, not when it was apparent that Heero needed him, needed the
comfort that Duo could provide to him.
Slowly, Heero’s eyes drifted open, the lovely eyes beneath those thick lashes glazed over slightly with the haze of the sedatives
that Sally had injected into him. The haze slowly faded away, and Heero just stared at their clasped hands, his focus never
deviating. With his other hand, he reached out, running a finger along Duo’s knuckles, as if testing to see if they were really
there or not, perhaps thinking that he was still lost in whatever nightmare had plagued him.
Then Heero looked up at Duo, sniffling slightly. “Is this okay?” He asked, gesturing weakly to their clasped hands, a tentative
smile on his face while unshed tears glistened in his eyes.
Duo smiled in return, his heart feeling light at the sight of that smile, even if it was only a small one. He nodded, leaning over
and carefully winding his arms around Heero’s body, embracing him gently, losing his grasp on Heero’s hand, but wanting to
offer even more comfort than just holding hands could provide. Heero took in a shuddered breath, his arms staying on the bed
as Duo held him.
“It’s okay.” Duo whispered, realizing that Heero needed confirmation that he could react, that the young man was still fearful of
With shaking arms, Heero returned the gentle embrace, sobbing as he clung to Duo’s body. “I’m sorry.” Heero choked out, his
tears falling to dampen Duo’s tank top.
Duo rocked slightly, only wanting to soothe Heero, ignoring the slight aches in his body as he moved. “It’s okay, Heero.” He
“No . . . it’s not.” Heero mumbled into Duo’s chest. “I shouldn’t have left you . . . you got hurt because of me. It’s my fault,
I know it is.” He tightened his hold around Duo’s body minutely, burying his face against Duo’s chest.
“It’s not your fault.” Duo soothed, cradling Heero’s body with one arm while he wove the fingers of his other hand through
Heero’s hair. “It’s not all your fault. I could have stayed at Quatre’s estate . . . but I ran. If I hadn’t left then I wouldn’t have
run into those bastards in the alley . . .” He trailed off not wanting to dwell in those memories.
Heero pulled away from Duo slightly, shaking his head. “No, you shouldn’t have had to run. I should have trusted you . . .
should have stayed to talk. You don’t lie. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.” Heero insisted, tears dripping from his
eyes. “You did nothing wrong . . . nothing at all!”
Duo closed his eyes. At another time, he might have laughed at this situation, but he couldn’t now. Heero was in too much
emotional agony to laugh at . . . it would only cause him more suffering to do such a thing right now. “Heero . . . We can sit
here and bounce blame off ourselves for hours . . .” Duo whispered, opening his eyes and stroking his hand through Heero’s
hair again. “Or we can place the blame where it belongs.”
“Where it belongs?” Heero asked, his face adorably confused.
Duo shook his head. “You told me that Relena was plotting against us . . . that she helped to organize the situations we found
ourselves in . . .” Duo said.
However, Heero cut him off. “But that shouldn’t have mattered . . . I just left you when I shouldn’t have.”
“The blame doesn’t belong on you.” Duo said, casting a small smile at Heero before he continued. “Not wholly on you, at any
rate. You screwed up, Heero. It happens. You’re human, just like the rest of us. You made a mistake, so did I.” Duo sighed,
sliding his hand along Heero’s face and frowning at the sweat he felt clinging to Heero’s skin. “We’ll talk about this . . .
REALLY talk about this. But not now. You’re covered in sweat, and should change your clothes.”
Heero nodded and hiccuped. “As long as it isn’t that pair of spandex shorts and green tank top. After that nightmare I don’t
want to ever see them again.”
Duo blinked. “Must have been one hell of a nightmare.”
Heero offered the slightest of smiles. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
Duo smirked. “I’ve been known to believe lots of things. And judging from the way you were talking in your sleep I think that
nightmare of yours was pretty bad.”
Heero sighed, nodding. “Yeah . . . y-you were dead in my dream, Duo . . . I found you in a morgue and your body just
crumbled away before my eyes. Then a few . . . ghosts . . . taunted me into believing it was my fault, that if I wasn’t so weak
as to let my emotions loose you would still be alive.”
Duo cupped Heero’s face with his hands. “Don’t believe a word of it. You’re not weak for allowing your emotions out, you’re
strong for trying to learn to feel again, for letting someone into your heart.” Duo smiled, seeing the hope in Heero’s eyes. “Let’
s get you out of these clothes.”
“Okay.” Heero replied.
Duo helped Heero to sit up, realizing that their positions had switched, that now it was Duo’s turn to care for Heero. After his
collapse, Heero seemed to barely have any energy at all, his body seeming to continuously tremble as he moved. In Heero’s
current condition, Duo was the stronger one, although not by much . . . Duo wasn’t up to his own full-strength yet.
A sudden thought came to Duo and he turned to Heero, brushing his hand across Heero’s sweaty skin. “Um . . . I don’t want to
force you, but do you want to have a bath and get cleaned up first?” Duo asked, trying not to fidget as he waited for Heero’s
Heero looked down at himself, sighing deeply. “I doubt I can even sit up for very long on my own . . . I’m just so tired.”
“Yeah, well sedatives and neglecting your own body’s needs will do that to you.” Duo replied, then he continued more shyly.
“I can help you . . . if you want. Do you want my help?” He looked away, embarrassed that he was even asking, afraid of
what Heero’s answer would be.
Gentle fingers grasped Duo’s chin, slowly moving him to turn. He smiled slightly, looking into Heero’s eyes, feeling like he
would be able to lose himself in them once again. “I’d like your help.” Heero nodded, a slight blush tinting his cheeks.
“Okay.” Duo whispered. He wrapped his arms around Heero’s body, carefully helping the young man to rise. Duo also
groaned, aches spreading through his body, his arms paining him as he assisted Heero into the bathroom.
Duo left Heero sitting on the toilet seat while he went about gathering together what he thought would be needed, turning on the
water, setting it to just the right temperature, and plugging the drain. He also pinned his braid up, not wanting it to get wet. It
didn’t need to be washed just yet, besides it would take hours to dry and he just didn’t feel like going through the hassle right
now. When he looked back at Heero, he noticed that Heero had already shed about half of his clothes. Heero’s T-shirt was
laying on the floor, his shoes and socks removed . . . however, he seemed to be having trouble with his pants, his fingers
fumbling with them.
Duo chuckled, his memories returning to that first night in the cheap motel room, when Heero had gotten into the bath with him,
also remembering the baths just last week that Heero had helped him to take. “Looks like we’ve switched places, Heero.” Duo
smiled, crossing the room and shedding his own shirt. “All this time you’ve been helping me. I guess it’s my turn to return the
Heero chuckled and nodded. “I guess it is.” He smirked. Then he sighed, giving up on trying to remove his pants . . . he just
couldn’t seem to manage it on his own.
Duo sighed as well, only quieter. He stood in front of Heero, clad only in a pair of boxers, since he had only been wearing that
tank top and his shorts in the first place . . . he didn’t need much else when all he had been doing was resting really. Then he
carefully began to peel off each of his bandages, frowning at the still-healing cuts on his arms. They would probably leave
scars, long ugly scars that would always remind him of what had happened. He shook his head . . . thinking that he could live
Once his body was free of bandages, Duo helped Heero to stand, keeping one arm around him to have him remain upright. Duo
quickly unfastened Heero’s jeans, gulping as he realized that they were both about to be naked in front of each other, a thought
that left Duo shivering with his remaining fears and doubts . . . the memories of those men in the alley once again plaguing him.
He knew that Heero wouldn’t hurt him like they had, yet he couldn’t shake the fear.
“We don’t have to do this.” Heero commented. “I won’t mind if you’d rather skip the bath and just get me changed into fresh
Duo smiled up at Heero, that kind offer warming Duo’s heart. “No . . . you need a bath . . . you’re sweaty and probably
uncomfortable.” Duo said. “It’s not like we haven’t done this before. Just last week you were bathing me when I couldn't
stand up on my own without getting dizzy. We were both naked then, I can handle this.” Duo said, hoping it was true. He had
gotten used to being bathed by Heero last week, but he had also been taking several medications as well. He wasn’t taking those
drugs now, Sally didn’t think all of the painkillers were necessary anymore.
“Are you sure?” Heero asked.
He smiled up at Heero again, noticing the concerned expression on Heero’s pale face. “I can do this . . . really.” He insisted.
Then he pushed Heero jeans and boxers down, leaving him nude and shivering in the slightly chilled room. Duo wasn’t
shivering, but then again, Duo had some insulation in his body, whereas Heero had none. Heero was just skin and bones now,
with nothing to keep the cold from affecting him.
Duo helped Heero to step out of his clothes and walk over to the bathtub. Once they were standing beside it, Duo reached over
and turned off the water. Then he hooked one of his thumbs in the waistband of his own shorts, taking a breath as he just stood
“Duo . . . if you’re really uncomfortable with this, you can go get Trowa or someone else to do this.” Heero offered.
Duo shook his head, touched that Heero would be so considerate, also that he would risk embarrassment by letting someone else
help him. “No, Heero. I am going to help you. I may be a little nervous about doing this, but I want to help you.” Duo stated,
pushing his shorts down and then stepping out of them. “Now come on, into the tub with you.”
Heero nodded, slowly stepping into the tub, Duo close behind him. They both sat, Heero in front of Duo, between his spread
legs. Duo took a breath, calming his nerves as he reached over and grabbed the soap and washcloth, slowly beginning to
cleanse Heero’s back. As soon as he was done with Heero’s back, he urged him to recline. “Lie back.” Duo whispered.
“Okay.” Heero replied tiredly, resting his back against Duo’s chest.
Duo smirked, carefully moving the washcloth over Heero’s chest. “Just relax and let me do all the work.” Duo said, adjusting
his position so that Heero’s head was resting on his shoulder and he could see what he was doing while washing Heero.
As Duo continued to cleanse Heero’s body, he kept taking quick glances to see if the Japanese youth was okay. After a few
minutes, Duo smiled to himself, noticing that Heero’s eyes were shut, that Heero had fallen asleep under Duo’s ministrations.
Heero looked simply adorable like this, and it made Duo glad that Heero trusted him enough to fall asleep in such a vulnerable
position. With a light chuckle, he picked up one of Heero’s arms and gently scrubbed away the sweat and dirt from the limb.
Heero sighed softly in his sleep, nuzzling against Duo’s neck. “Love you, Duo.” He quietly mumbled, his warm breath
immediately sending shivers throughout Duo’s body.
Duo dropped the washcloth and Heero’s arm, not believing his ears. He turned, looking at Heero’s face, only to see that the
young man was still asleep, a serene expression on his beautiful face. Duo reached up, stroking his fingers across Heero’s
cheek, tears of happiness trailing down his own face as he smiled, elated to know that Heero did still love him.
To Be Continued . . .