Disclaimers: I don’t own anything.
Author’s notes: Here’s part two. This takes place immediately after the events in Part One. WARNING!!! Duo suffers a lot in
this fic. If I’ve upset any of you, I apologize. Please don’t flame me.
Painful Memories
Part 2
They were sent to destroy a military base that had recently become a threat. Unfortunately, the reports about the number of
mobile suits and mobile dolls had been drastically underestimated.
Trowa’s Heavyarms had run out of ammunition ages ago, and he was now just relying on the heat blade on his Gundam’s right
forearm. Heero was slicing away at the enemy mobile suits in his Wing Gundam with his beam sabers, making it look so easy.
And Duo was just trying to keep himself alive with his beam scythe, as the enemy just kept coming and coming.
“Would you just detonate already?!” Duo yelled at Heero, as he dodged an attack that had come way too close for comfort.
“Yeah, yeah.” Heero replied over the communication system.
A moment later, the surrounding area was engulfed in flames, as all the explosives they had planted in the base earlier, were
detonated. Many of the mobile suits and dolls were destroyed in the explosion but not all of them. The ones that remained
continued to fight, even though the base was totally destroyed. Duo had to admit that these guys were dedicated to their jobs.
“Let’s get out of here.” Trowa said, his voice calm.
“Split up. We’ll meet back at the safe house.” Heero replied.
Heero took off, leaving as quickly as he could. Several mobile suits followed him. Meanwhile, Trowa and Duo were attempting
a similar escape.
Trowa cut a path through the mobile suits and dolls. Duo watched his back, making sure no one tried to stop him. Something
collided with his back and The Deathscythe fell forward. Intense pain radiated throughout his lower chest as Duo hit the
console in front of him. He groaned in pain, not letting himself cry out. As he got his Gundam to stand again, he lifted his hand
to his forehead, and felt the warm red blood that was seeping from a fresh wound.
“You okay?” Trowa asked, although he really didn’t sound all that concerned.
“Fine.” He lied, knowing that he had probably broken a couple ribs.
“We need a diversion or something.” Trowa commented.
“Got it.” Duo replied. He pulled a detonator from his pocket and quickly pressed the small red button.
A series of explosions shook the ground, as everything behind the two Gundams was swallowed by flames. Duo and Trowa
quickly disposed of the remaining few mobile suits and dolls.
As they escaped into the forest, Trowa asked, “When did you set those explosives?”
“While you and Heero were off planting the ones in the base, I was out here planting a few of my own. Just in case.” Duo
replied, a smile spreading across his face, despite all the pain he felt.
*****
They hid their Gundams in the forest, covering them as best as they could, so that they wouldn’t be seen from the air. Every
move Duo made, only aggravated his already sore body. He had kept his back to Trowa the whole time, not wanting the other
pilot to know he was hurt.
“The Gundams will be fine here for now. We can always come back for them later.” Trowa said.
“Yeah, Heero’s probably already at the safe house waiting for us.” Duo replied.
“Then lets get going.”
“Right behind ya.” Duo said, still trying to keep his injuries a secret. He didn’t want to slow them down, didn’t want to be
pitied.
An hour later, Duo’s body was shaking from the pain. It was agonizing trying to keep up with Trowa’s fast pace. He had been
lucky so far, keeping the other pilot from seeing that he was injured. Whenever Trowa turned to him, he looked away so that
Trowa wouldn’t be able to see the gash in his head or the blood that covered the side of his face.
The pain in his chest was throbbing with every step he took. His head was swimming with dizziness. It was getting harder and
harder to walk, as he felt so tired.
Finally, he just collapsed, no longer caring whether Trowa saw or not. He just couldn’t take another step. He fell to his side,
wrapping his arms around himself as his ribs screamed with pain.
“Duo?” Trowa said as he knelt beside him.
But Duo didn’t answer, couldn’t answer. The pain was horrible, making it difficult to even breathe. Then everything slipped
away as he lost consciousness.
*****
Trowa knelt next to Duo, wondering why he hadn’t noticed this earlier. The other pilot was hurt, badly by the look of it. He
watched as Duo slipped into unconsciousness, not able to do anything to keep him awake.
Carefully, Trowa rolled Duo over onto his back. The head wound didn’t look too bad, since it had stopped bleeding. He
unzipped Duo’s jumpsuit, checking to see where the pilot was hurt. He gently pressed on his chest and abdomen, looking for
internal injuries, eliciting a groan from the unconscious Duo with every touch to the pilot’s body. He was relieved to find that
Duo’s ribs weren’t broken, just bruised.
Trowa zipped up Duo’s jumpsuit and lifted the unconscious pilot off the ground. He would have slung Duo over his shoulder,
but he didn’t want to risk breaking his ribs. Duo groaned, but Trowa ignored it, knowing he had to get Duo some medical
attention. And the only place he could find help, would be at the safe house.
It didn’t take long to get there, even with the extra burden of carrying Duo. As soon as he walked in the door, Trowa noticed
that the place was empty. It didn’t look as if Heero had gotten there yet.
He took Duo up to one of the bedrooms of the cabin and gently laid him down on a bed. Then he treated Duo’s injuries. After
bandaging his head and chest, Trowa sat back, hoping that Duo would wake up soon. Eventually, Trowa nodded off, exhausted
from the activities of that day.
He hadn’t slept long, or at least he didn’t think he had, when a sound caught his attention. He looked to Duo and noticed the
other pilot’s pained expression, the way he clutched tightly at the bed sheets. Duo was gasping for breath, his head thrashing
from side to side.
“He must be having a nightmare.” Trowa commented, leaning forward in his seat beside Duo’s bed.
Trowa listened intently, as Duo mumbled in his sleep, talking to whoever plagued his dreams. “Go away. Don’t touch me.
Leave me alone.” The rest of his words became incoherent soon after.
Trowa knew the pain of memories, knew that Duo was tormented by his past. His own past was something that pained him,
but at least Trowa had Quatre to talk to, someone to confide in. Trowa only hoped that Duo would someday find someone like
he had, someone he could open up to.
*****
Heero had been able to dispose of the mobile suits that had chased him, without any trouble. Now, he walked away from his
Gundam, leaving it behind in the dense forest. It was covered, so at least he knew it wouldn’t be seen from the air. And if
someone happened upon it on foot, then the alarm would go off in his wristwatch, telling him that there was someone too close
to it. Of course, the alarm could be turned off if he wanted to, in case he was in a situation where he didn’t want to attract any
attention. It was a new device, something that had just been installed recently in all the Gundams.
Heero walked through the forest, heading to the safe house. He wished he could have landed closer, but that would have been
too much of a risk. But he didn’t mind the walk. It gave him time to think.
He wondered what was bothering Duo. It was plainly obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes, that something was definitely
wrong with him. Heero had awakened several times over the past few weeks, in the middle of the night, hearing strange
sounds. Each time, when he glanced over to his roommate's bed, he saw the other pilot tossing and turning in his sleep. Then
Duo would wake up, covered in sweat, his body shaking.
Of course, Heero didn’t want the other pilot to know that he was awake and watching him, so he pretended to be asleep, all the
time watching what Duo did. Every night, after waking up from one of his nightmares, Duo would go into the bathroom,
whisper something that Heero couldn’t quite hear, turn the water on and off, then come back out. Duo would once again lay
down on his bed and usually he would just lie there, not going to sleep, just staring up at the ceiling.
This behavior was beginning to worry Heero. Heero wasn’t blind, he saw the way Duo acted. He wasn’t his usual cheerful
self. The mood swings, the way he snapped at people that asked if he was okay, it was all very odd behavior for Duo.
But Heero didn’t think it was his place to ask Duo if he was okay. Even through it irritated him to see Duo acting so strange.
He wanted to grab Duo, to pull him aside and demand to know what was wrong with him. However, he knew that trying to
force an answer out of Duo wouldn’t work. He knew from experience that Duo was a very stubborn person.
“Damn him.” Heero muttered. His own feelings about Duo clouded his judgement at times. How was he supposed to go on
like this, if he knew Duo was in pain? He wished Duo would just tell him, or anyone.
These feelings, were all so strange for Heero. He had spent most of his life pushing his feelings away, seeing them as a nuisance
to him. They only got in the way of his missions, an unneeded distraction.
But the way he felt for Duo was so strong, seemed so right. If only he could express those feelings in words. But no matter
how much he wanted to, how much he felt like grabbing Duo and embracing him in a passionate kiss, he couldn’t bring himself
to do it.
If he was wrong about his feelings, wrong about the way Duo felt about him, there was no way he could take the words back.
So he was just biding his time, letting Relena hang off his arm, wishing that Duo would make the first move. The only reason
he let Relena hang around was so that he could watch Duo’s reaction, see if he was right about his feelings. If Duo felt
anything for him, he should be able to see by the way he reacted to Relena.
So far, it was working. Every time Relena held Heero’s hand, wrapped her arms around him, Duo’s eyes would burn with
emotion. Heero could see the jealousy, the longing look in Duo’s eyes every time he looked at Relena and Heero together.
But still, Heero couldn’t tell him how he felt. He was still so unsure of his own feelings, of Duo’s feelings. If he said anything,
he might be making a huge mistake. Those looks of jealousy might be because Duo wanted Relena not Heero, or that he wanted
what Heero had, somebody that loved him without question. Of course, saying that Relena loved Heero without question, was
wrong. What Relena felt for him was just some mindless crush, even Heero could see that.
So he’d wait. Wait for Duo to make the first move. If he wanted Heero, he’d just have to tell him. Heero wouldn’t risk his
newfound emotions in an attempt to see if Duo loved him. It was just too soon to risk that.
*****
Duo opened his eyes, trying to focus them, as he looked around at his surroundings. He noticed that he was in a cabin of some
sort, and was laying on a bed. He looked down at himself and saw that his abdomen was covered in bandages. He attempted to
sit up, but he fell back down when the pain moved throughout his body. He groaned, unintentionally, and winced.
“You shouldn’t try getting up for a while yet.” Trowa said, sitting in a chair beside the bed that Duo lay in.
“Where are we?” He asked.
“The safe house. Why didn’t you tell me that you were hurt?” Trowa asked, adjusting the bandages around Duo’s body.
“It’s not that bad.” Duo said, trying to keep his mask of cheerfulness in place.
“Yeah, right. So you just collapsed for no good reason then?” He asked, his voice remaining calm.
Duo glared at him, not bothering to reply. He attempted to sit up again, this time he succeeded. Of course it was painful, but he
just didn’t want to lie around anymore. “Where are my clothes?” He asked.
Trowa stood and walked away. When he came back, he carried Duo’s jumpsuit in his hands. “Here.” He replied, tossing them
to Duo. “But I still say that you shouldn’t get up just yet. Obviously, you won’t listen to me, so I’ll go fix something for you to
eat.”
Duo ignored him. He didn’t like laying around doing nothing. It left him with nothing to do but think. And why would he want
to think when all he ever thought of was painful to him?
He watched as Trowa left. Then he got dressed as quickly as he could. His ribs ached with every move, but at least the pain
wasn’t as bad as it had first been.
*****
He walked down the stairs slowly, holding onto the railing as he stepped down. He found Trowa in the kitchen, setting a plate
of food on the table. He glanced up, then went back to what he had been doing before.
“Sit. Eat.” He said.
Duo didn’t argue. Besides, he was hungry. “Thanks.” He replied, sitting in front of the plate of food.
Trowa sat across from him. But it didn’t look as if he was eating. Duo wondered about it, but was too busy eating to ask.
After breakfast, Trowa helped Duo back up the stairs, insisting that he get more rest. Duo objected at first, but soon gave in,
after Trowa pulled him out of the seat.
He sat on the bed, not ready to lie down just yet. He didn’t want to rest, didn’t want to sleep. He knew what would happen if
he slept. Sleeping meant dreaming, and his dreams were never pleasant. The nightmares would come, the endless nightmares
of his own past.
“Duo?” Trowa asked.
Duo raised his head, and looked at the other pilot. “What?”
“I want to ask you something.”
“What about?” Duo asked, keeping a cheerful smile on his face.
Trowa hesitated a moment, and that worried Duo. “When you were unconscious, you were talking in your sleep. What were
you dreaming about?” Trowa asked, sitting in the chair beside the bed.
Duo’s smile immediately vanished. “It was nothing. Just a stupid nightmare.” Duo answered.
“I don’t believe that. I can recognize torment when I see it. I know from experience that memories are not always a pleasant
thing.” Trowa replied, lifting his gaze to Duo.
“You wouldn’t understand.” Duo said, turning his head away. He didn’t want to talk about this. They would hate him, they
would think he was disgusting if they knew.
“I bet I would. You can’t just let these things fester, Duo. That’s why I talk with Quatre. You have to talk about them or
nothing will ever get better.” Trowa replied.
“I can’t.” Duo said, forcing his tears away. He wouldn’t cry. He never cried. This wasn’t the time to start.
Trowa laid a hand on Duo’s shoulder. “Maybe it will help if I told you my secrets. But if I tell you mine, you have to promise
to tell me yours.”
Duo thought for a moment, then nodded, unable to say anything. Maybe he could tell Trowa. Maybe he could finally get rid of
some of the pain. He listened intently to every word Trowa said.
“I was raised by an all male mercenary group. They didn’t even bother to give me a name. My first memory is of being beaten,
but I do not recall why. Almost every day was the same. I was beaten, and abused in such ways that it still makes me cringe.”
Trowa said, lowering his eyes to the floor.
But he kept speaking. “I was molested many times by the other mercenaries as I grew older, repeatedly raped. If I did not
submit I would be beaten until I was unconscious, and then they would have their fun with me anyway. If I tried to fight back,
it was only worse. I was not always fed, and I do not remember ever being treated with kindness by any of those men.”
A single tear escaped Trowa’s eye, as Duo watched the young man in utter disbelief. He had no idea of what Trowa had gone
through as a child. Trowa looked up at him. “Your turn.” He said.
Duo took in a breath, wondering if he should say anything at all. But he knew he had to. He had promised to tell, if Trowa told
him his secrets. “I was a war orphan.” Duo began, recounting his days with Solo and the street orphans, the time he had spent
at the Maxwell church.
“Then Duo Maxwell isn’t your real name?” Trowa asked.
“No. To tell the truth, I can’t even remember my real name anymore.” Duo smiled, slightly.
“What happened after the massacre? I’m sure that’s not the end of the story.” Trowa said.
Duo stared down at the floor, unable to raise his eyes to meet Trowa’s. “I had to steal to survive. I lived on the streets,
hustling everyone I could, to make a few bucks. Less than a year after the church was destroyed, a man named Carl Thompson
came up to me and asked if he could help in any way. He offered me the use of his shower, a meal. I didn’t trust him, but I
went with him anyway, thinking that maybe I could steal something from him, that would make my life a little easier.”
He took in a deep breath, remembering what came next. His breath came out shuddered as he began to speak again. “I found
out all too soon that Carl wasn’t the nice man he seemed to be. Once he locked the door behind me, he told me that he had
clients that would be interested in a boy as pretty as me.” Duo’s body trembled as the memories resurfaced.
“You don’t have to go on if you don’t want to.” Trowa said, placing a hand on Duo’s shoulder.
Duo couldn’t look up at him, couldn’t bring himself to raise his head. He just kept talking, ignoring Trowa’s kind offer to let
him stop. But he knew he had to continue, he had to let it all out now, or else he wouldn’t be able to do it later. “The beatings
started almost immediately. I was just a kid, I couldn’t fight back. After awhile I just stopped caring what anyone did to me. I
gave up, letting all those men and women do what they wanted to my body, if only to survive one more day. I just wanted to
live.”
He took in a shaky breath and exhaled, letting the words fall from his lips. “Then one day I saw a chance for escape and took
it. I stowed away on the ship that carried Professor G. I became a Gundam pilot, the God of Death. I vowed to myself that no
one else would ever get close enough to hurt me agin, that no one else would ever touch me without my permission.”
Throughout his story he had kept his tears back, not wanting to cry. He couldn’t cry. He never cried, not even through all
those years when he was being used as nothing more than a toy by all those men and women. Duo looked up at Trowa finally,
expecting to see a look of total disgust on the other pilot’s face. But he didn’t see disgust, in fact he didn’t see anything
resembling disgust. All he saw was a deep look of sadness, of sympathy.
“Good lord, Duo. And I thought my childhood was bad.” Trowa smiled, in an obvious attempt to lighten the situation. Then
his expression grew serious. “Do you feel any better?” He asked.
“I guess. Maybe a little.” Duo whispered. He did feel better, if only slightly. Trowa had been right, talking had made the pain
lessen.
“Why don’t you get some sleep?” Trowa asked, gently pushing Duo until he lay back on the bed.
“Promise you won’t tell anyone.” Duo demanded, his eyes locked on Trowa’s one eye, the other eye being blocked from his
view by the pilot’s bangs.
“You have my word.” Trowa replied, as he stood. He took a few steps away then turned back. “I’ll wake you when Heero
gets here. Then we can get back to base and we can get you to a doctor.”
Duo glared at him, not wanting a doctor to come anywhere near him. He had always hated doctors, always hated the way they
poked and prodded. He was fine. His ribs didn’t hurt that much anymore. It was just a slight ache whenever he breathed, that’
s all.
He closed his eyes, hoping that the dreams wouldn't come. He wanted a peaceful sleep, something he hadn’t had in a very long
time. Maybe now that he had finally told someone, he would be able to rest peacefully.
His thoughts drifted to Heero. Once they were back at the base, Duo would tell Heero of his feelings, of the love he felt for the
Perfect Soldier. Hopefully, he wasn’t making a huge mistake.
*****
Heero walked into the safe house, wondering if Duo and Trowa had arrived yet. He didn’t have to wonder for very long
however, as he saw Trowa walk down the stairs.
“How long have you been here?” Heero asked, in his usual monotone voice.
“A few hours.” Trowa replied, as he stepped over to Heero.
“And has Duo arrived yet?”
“He’s upstairs in one of the bedrooms. He was injured during our escape.”
Heero’s heart skipped a beat, hearing that Duo was hurt. But he managed to keep his fear from showing. At least he hoped he
had. “How bad is it?”
“Bruised ribs and a minor head wound. When we get him back to the base we’ll be able to find out if it’s worse than it seems.”
Trowa replied. He turned to go back up the stairs. “I’ll go wake him.”
“No. Let him sleep. I want to rest a few minutes anyway.” Heero said, as he walked over to a chair and sat.
Trowa turned away from the stairs and sat in a nearby chair, his back to Heero. But Heero paid no attention to him. His mind
was occupied with other things. All he could think about now, was Duo. He could only hope that he was okay. “Don’t die.”
He whispered under his breath. Although Trowa had said Duo’s injuries weren’t too severe, he just couldn't get rid of that
awful feeling deep in his heart. “Not before I can find the courage to tell you how I feel.”
To Be Continued . . .